We all have a quest of being lost or found. We become lost or found in the many names the world calls us to be. Or we become lost or found in the many names we call ourselves to be. Sometimes, we feel like we are at peace with how we or others see ourselves. But when those times come when that peace is put to the test, we get to ask many questions—ramblings when the journey gets rough. These questions lead us into discovering who we really are. In my case, that discovery is a Christian journey.
Am I enough?
As a Christian, it has been imparted to me that once we have Jesus Christ in our hearts, we are already made complete, righteous, and “enough.” But we are still on earth and not in heaven yet. Naturally, in a broken world, there will be expectations that will make us feel like we always lack something even if we already tried our best or succeeded based on our own values or standards.
Sometimes, even if we know some “Christian ways” of feeling adequate—like being grateful in every situation, or serving and honoring God with a humble heart—there are still some lonely and dreadful nights when we get to ponder about the real value of what we do.
Often, this thought enters my mind: Can we never love God enough? But maybe, the important thing is we do not focus on seeking affirmation nor approval from God. Simply, we seek, love, trust, and obey Him and know we are already accepted. Surely, through the cross, we are made worthy and righteous and we need not worry if what we do is enough. Following Him daily is enough.
Do I belong?
We feel more secure when we feel that we are a part of a group. We feel energized if we are fighting or living for a greater purpose. We rejoice and feel healthy when we feel accepted and loved by a community, family, company, support group, barkada, or an organization. We have our “tribes” and be are wired to love and support one another.
But what if we become excluded from every group we have put our security into? How will we deal with the loneliness that comes with these?
Those moments are tough. We do not know where to go or to which friends we can share our struggles with. Trust diminishes to the point that the pull to sulk in our small, safe comfort zones strengthens.
But thank God, through prayers, God reminds us that He gave us a constant companion and advocate in the person of the Holy Spirit. Quite oddly, in one of my moments of rambling, a still small voice whispered to me: “You feel that you don’t belong anywhere? My child, you belong to Me. I am the God of the universe.” That made the difference!
Am I following my calling?
It is not yet clear to me what my calling is. But the simple rule I find helpful is, to just try to help others with whatever we have or can do. We do these in the best way we can in the way God has called us to do that day, day by day. Then, we give back to God all the credit.
No matter who we think we really are, at the very end, it is never about what we feel, think, do, or say. It is not about whether we lose our temper, or fall into a destructive sin or relationship. It is about how big, loving, and generous God is and how willing we are to submit and to love Him again and again.
Life and our identity is only the truth God says it to be. We are made righteous. We are deeply and unconditionally loved. We have been paid with a great price. We are sons and daughters of God. I don’t know what part of your journey you are in right now—Christian or not. But may you be blessed even more for your courage to stay and find who you really are, especially in your deepest pain.
About the Author:
Sheena Kristine Cases is a volunteer at Victory Church and a daughter who tries her best to love and seek her Father God. She is truly grateful for the mentors, family, and friends who continue to give feedback on her ways of living and on her daily quests for self-discovery.
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