Trigger warning: This article talks about suicide. If you or your loved one are in need of professional help, please call the National Mental Health Center crisis hotlines: 1553 / 1800-1888-1553 / 0919-057-1553 / 0917-899-8727 / 0966-351-4518

---

Disclaimer: Patient stories have been anonymized and details changed to protect confidentiality.

A, not their real name, has been battling depression their entire life. The constant low energy and bouts of demotivation, and the lack of expected support and encouragement from family have made it extra difficult to pursue personal or professional interests and sustain them. A profound betrayal from their significant other made the client seek help – to end one’s life.

For the first time, they were determined at pursuing something – the search for an assisted suicide service. The patient went as far as exploring the idea of burning through their savings to avail of this option overseas, wherever this is legal.

Listening to the patient reminded me of the film “A Man Called Otto.” In the movie, Otto, played by Tom Hanks, tried ending his life, but got interrupted every time by his neighbors. Otto later finds purpose and connection through his neighbors, who pulled him back into the community.

The patient had no concerned neighbors to be there at the perfect timing to save them. But the patient had their own person – the same individual who saw our psychosocial services as they were driving by and thought of giving life a chance.

One day, after months of therapy, A told me that they are discontinuing the sessions to financially sustain a social hobby instead.

***

B, not their real name, survived suicide in middle school. The constant feeling of being unsafe and the fear of being judged for living with a disability prevented B from returning to school. For years, B was conflicted. They knew they had dreams, but the fear was too strong. Their parents, C & D (not their real names), were traumatized by B’s suicide attempt that they were passive to the idea of B’s return to school. They, too, were afraid. The family was living in fear and hesitation, which was feeding B’s tendencies to withdraw further and isolate.

During sessions, B would draw, build, write stories, or narrate how their dreams for the future looked like. Gradually, B began having more concrete ideas on the actions that needed to be done to realize their dreams. One day, B told me that they had enrolled for this school year and that they needed a fit-for-school assessment.

***

We are midway through the three-year theme, “Changing the Narrative on Suicide,” as I reflect on these stories and those of others I’ve witnessed. They are living proof that changing the narrative is possible and that there is hope and recovery from suicide. 

In a context like ours, where barriers to professional support remain a challenge, social support is important in suicide prevention. It is encouraging to see the increasing openness to more educated, aware, and compassionate conversations surrounding suicide, especially among young people. So, what can we do to help? This question reminds me of a story that showed our capacity for compassion despite our own suffering.

One day, E, not their real name, went to session not with their ongoing personal problem in mind. E wanted to help someone and asked: what can I tell my friend who has been thinking about suicide? Like E, many of us want to help, but don’t know what to say. 

So, for those who could be facing this challenge, here are some ways to respond. While these might look like “scripts” or “templates,” I believe these truly capture what we would want to express when someone seeks our help. It’s just that we are lost for words because of the stigma around us and our fear. Having these in mind would help us remember our capacity to empathize when the situation calls for it.

These are the responses we should learn to avoid:

• Laughing at the person or at the concern.  This is inappropriate given the seriousness of suicide. 

• “Relate ako.” / “Me too.” Do not make it about you. Focus on the person.

• “Ang negative mo.” (“You’re so negative.”) / “Choose to be happy.” Thinking of suicide is a sign of tremendous distress. This kind of distress is not something people can control.

• “Ganito kasi gawin mo…” (“This is what you should do…”) You need to listen first. 

• “Ano ba pinagsasasabi mo?” (“What nonsense are you saying?”) This dismisses and invalidates the person.

• “Kulang ka lang sa dasal.” (“You just need to pray.”) This is judgmental and also invalidating. 

Instead, practice responding with the following:

• “Salamat, sinabi mo sa’kin.” (“Thank you for telling me.”) This response encourages people to reach out instead of keeping to themselves until it’s too late. This also cultivates openness in communication, especially with our loved ones.

• “Andito lang ako para sa’yo.” (“I’m here for you, you can talk to me.”) Be there for them to listen. Your can also agree on specific times and days when you would check in with each other.

• “Gusto kong maintindihan pinagdadaanan mo. Pwede mo bang i-kwento?” (“I want to understand what you are going through. Could you tell me more about it?”) Sometimes we become dismissive or judgmental because we do not understand what the other person is going through. Ask questions. Try to understand their situation. Being understood alone heals.

• “Nakikita kong ang hirap ng pinagdadaanan mo.” (“This must be hard for you”). This validates what they feel and experience. But I hope you only say this when you fully understand what they are going through.

• “Wag kang mag-sorry.” (“Nothing to apologize for.”) People who reach out due to suicidal thoughts often feel that they are a burden and would apologize for seeking help. Let them know that they do not need to say sorry for this.

• “Mahalaga ka sa ’kin.” (“You’re important to me.”) Let them know that they mean a lot to people around them. Besides, this is the truth. 

• “Gusto mo bang may makausap na mental health professional? Samahan kita, planuhin natin.” (Would you like to talk to a mental health professional? I can go with you, let’s make arrangements.”) Help them connect with professional mental health services. 

I believe that it is in our nature to be compassionate. Practicing to respond in an empathetic way will help us become more aligned with our authentic selves. And with that, one day at a time, together, we can gradually change the narrative on suicide. 

***