Trigger warning: This article talks about suicide. If you or your loved one are in need of professional help, you may call the National Mental Health Crisis Hotlines: 1553 (Luzon-wide toll-free); 0966-351-4518; 0917-899-8727; 0908-639-2672.

I was attending the regular weekend virtual session of our review class for the then-upcoming board exams for psychometricians and psychologists when successive notifications from the neighborhood’s group chat began appearing on a messaging app. Hearing sirens outside and some distant raised voices of neighbors a few moments later, I opened the messages to find out what was happening. One of our neighbors was threatening to take their own life. Again. 

The sirens were from firetrucks, an ambulance, and responders from the police and the barangay. It didn’t take long before someone in the group chat sent, then unsent details of how it ended. Badly. Again.

Two years ago, at the height of the pandemic, suicide claimed the life of another person in the neighborhood. 

I tried to focus back on the abnormal psychology exam we were working on that day, thinking that this was the reason we needed to pass the licensure exams, and hopefully serve as professionals to help save lives and advocate for better mental health care services for Filipinos.

Data from the Philippine Statistics Authority (PSA) show that from January to December 2022, 3,078 lives were lost to intentional self-harm. Meanwhile, more than 4,000 deaths by suicide among Filipinos were recorded each year for 2020 and 2021.

The 2021 Young Adult and Fertility and Sexuality Study (YAFS5) revealed that among Filipino youth aged 15-24, 17 percent seriously considered taking their own life. Of this percentage, 44 percent acted on their thoughts. The leading reason is family problems, cited by more than half of those who attempted suicide.

A person who has reached the point of wanting to end their life is certainly in unimaginable suffering. However, this is far from hopeless. Most suicide cases is preventable, and among the preventive factors could be you. 

YAFS5 revealed that among the youth who attempted on their life, only 11 percent were aware of suicide prevention programs or services and only 2 percent sought professional help. Sixty-two percent kept their suffering to themselves. It is possible that some reached out to people they felt comfortable with such as friends or family.

It can be difficult to find the right words when a loved one comes to you with this cry for help. But you can certainly help.

To be able to do so, we need to be urgent but gentle, truthful, and calm. Here are some strategies:

1. Create a safe space for a conversation.

This builds trust. You would rather be in the know about what your loved ones are going through, right? Then, if they share about having suicidal thoughts and plans, thank them for letting you know and find out more about how they are feeling or what is in their mind. Allow them to talk, and listen very carefully. Avoid showing shock, panic, or distress. Avoid being impatient, dismissive, or belittling their issues. These reactions could discourage someone from sharing further. So keep calm, be open-minded and non-judgmental. Knowing that a loved one is going through something this difficult may heighten our emotions, but it would be more helpful to keep emotions under control and create a safe space for the person to talk.

2. You are concerned. Say so.

You are coming from a place of concern which is why strong emotions could arise. You want to save them. You could feel upset, frustrated, angry, anxious, and inadequate even. You might even ask yourself whether you are to blame, are your efforts not enough to help them, or why is your friend not taking your advice. Remember, this is not about you. It is their journey and the most you can do is walk with them until they can walk on their own. You could do this by communicating your concerns. Say it as it is. Tell them they are important to you, you don’t want to lose them, and you want to help them. Open, patient, and heartfelt communication is key.

3. Seek professional help as soon as possible.

Our strong emotions as a friend, family, or loved one can get in the way of wanting to help. Even psychologists like me are constrained by ethical standards from providing services to acquaintances, friends, family, and loved ones. This is because our objectivity could be impaired and our effectiveness compromised when there is emotional attachment. So, immediately seek the professional help that we know we cannot provide them. You can help your loved one look for service providers online, or by accompanying them to a consultation. If you happen to live with the person, make sure that your place is clear of weapons or materials that could be used for self-harm.

Preventing suicide does not rest on mental health professionals alone. It takes a collaborative effort, where friends, families, colleagues, peers, housemates, classmates, buddies, acquaintances, and loved ones are equally important.

Your care and concern, channeled calmly and truthfully, can go a long way in #creatinghopethroughaction.

If you or your loved one are in need of professional help, you may call the National Mental Health Crisis Hotlines: 1553 (Luzon-wide toll-free); 0966-351-4518; 0917-899-8727; 0908-639-2672.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR

Tricia Zafra, RPsy is the Relationships Editor of Subselfie.com. She is a clinical psychologist and a university lecturer.

Prior to becoming a psychologist, she had a 12-year career as a broadcast journalist, working as News Correspondent and Anchor for RPN 9 and GMA 7, and as an Executive Producer for CNN Philippines. She transitioned into advocacy communications for Doctors Without Borders – HongKong, and served in the government as the Chief of Public Relations and Information Division of the Philippine Space Agency.

She underwent clinical training at Argao Psych as an intern.

Her volunteer work includes providing peer support to journalists and media workers in distress. She also co-authored a mental health handbook for journalists and facilitated mental health sessions.

She’s a vegetarian, painter, licensed scuba diver, and a fur parent.

BA Broadcast Communication 2007 (cum laude), UP Diliman
MA Psychology 2020, UP Diliman
Topnotcher (Rank 2), 2023 Psychologists Licensure Examination